Sumner Shortcuts

Please oh please oh please, sir, can we have some apples?

And not just some… we actually want tons of ‘em.

Gobs, in fact.

The text of a recent Sumner County Craigslist ad:

“We need APPLES, APPLES, APPLES-WE WILL PICK!! (Gallatin, Tn)

We need bushels and bushels of apples to use for a large family. We will pick them, just please let us have them. We can only travil in the Gallatin area.”

I love the doubling effect in the grammar… apples, apples, apples… bushels and bushels.  And is Sumner County–specifically the Gallatin area, as that’s all the further they can travel–some sort of heretofore unknown apple-growing hot spot?  Do they think these things grow on trees?!

But seriously, I have never seen an apple orchard in Middle Tennessee.  I’m sure some exist.  Maybe there’s even one in Gallatin.  But you gotta admit, these poor apple-needing souls are really limiting their options by asking for so many apples from such a small area.

I humbly submit:  when your need for apples is this urgent… you’ve waited far too long before asking for help.

Here’s a screenshot of the ad–click it for a larger, more legible version: