Sumner Shortcuts

So now that everyone who didn’t really need gas–you know, those people who had 3/4 of a tank full but panicked on Friday and sat in line for hours to top off–now that they all have full tanks… it’s time for us good citizens, who wait until they actually need more gasoline to fill up, to have our chance.

Unfortunately, there’s still not much gas around. All the freaked out jerks from Friday horded it.

Let me suggest a new law for Tennessee:  Mandatory gas gauge checks prior to fill up.  You must prove that you are actually in need of gas before being allowed to fill up.  Why can’t that work?   The cops are already directing traffic at the pumps, so just have them enforce this rule on site.  Penalty for having more than half a tank in the car when trying to fill up?  A swift punch in the neck.  Or the cost of your gas doubles instantly.

Boom.  Crisis averted.  I should so be working for the legislature, writing laws full time.

State officials have already said there is no doubt that our current shortage was caused by panic buying, not by… you know… an actual shortage.

On Saturday, when I was nearing Empty on my mid-size car and contemplating getting in line somewhere, I saw a guy in an SUV fill up his tank completely before then pulling out not one, but two 5 gallon gas cans and filling those up too.

See, Mr. SUV… you are the problem.  You don’t need that gas in the gas cans.  You’ve just taken 10 gallons that should have gone to someone like me or one of the countless other level-headed, non-panicky southerners who have patiently waited for the crisis to pass.  That’s 10 extra gallons in addition to the 40 or so you poured into your freakishly large “off-road” SUV.  You’re selfish, greedy, and I don’t think I like you.

Mr. SUV and his kind created this shortage, and now the shortage is being sustained because the honest, patient citizens of Middle Tennessee are trying to get fuel they actually need in order to make it to their jobs.  While Mr. SUV has his three cars gassed up and sitting in the garage.  Probably filled up his boat too.

As I sit here on a Monday morning, I can see a Shell gas station, with lines three deep.  Ugh.  The entire affair was caused by a self-fulfilling prophecy.  And now it’s being perpetuated by continued panic-buying and rumor-mongering. Ah, the circle of life in Middle TN.

This is killing at least one of the features of this fine website, by the way… the list of cheapest gas prices in Sumner County.  It is beyond silly for me to report the price of gas at stations that don’t actually have gas to offer.

If there were some running list of the top ten most embarrassing Nashville-area moments… this would have to be near the top of the list.  The entire country is laughing at us right now, further cementing that “gullible, stupid hick” impression that we have been claiming was unfair.  Maybe it’s not as unfair as I thought.